Internalized Shame: How it Can Lead to Thoughts & Feelings of Suicide
Why would death be a sweeter thing to greet versus living?
There can be many answers for this question, but within my experience the answer lies solely in identity. Who we believe our true self to be and how we belong in the world.
God created each and everyone one of us with a distinct purpose. In having the Imago Dei imprinted in us, we grow and learn who we are more and more. However the difficult thing about this is that we can grow in ways that aren’t really us. This can happen due to pressure, ego or social ideals.
Another aspect of this is our environments. If our community, such as school, home, work and church, doesn’t make space for diversity or curiosity we can be ostracized for simply being who we are in that stage of time.
Overtime a more critical view of oneself is developed. The general thought experienced is, who I am is bad. Or there is something wrong with me. This internalized shame creates susceptibility for suicidal ideation and feelings. Let’s explore this a little more.
What does internalized shame look like?
It comes in many forms, such as:
“I am a burden”
Overly apologetic
“I can’t do anything right”
“I hate myself”
Self-harming (cutting, risky driving/drinking)
“No one cares about me” or “I am not lovable”
Feeling self-disgust or self-hatred
Hating how you look physically
Feeling guilty
I’m a sinner (not a sinner saved by grace)
Feeling embarrassed for oneself as a baseline feeling
Thinking about death (especially your own)
This list can go on and on. The disgust for oneself comes in many forms.
Once we are in a headspace of self-hatred and shame, the idea of death is a relief. It offers the illusion of a permanent solution. Freedom from the experience of emotional pain and quiet suffering. The bad feelings will stop; but the person will also be dead. That is the BIG issue. A person will no longer have a life to live to experience this freedom.
I can’t stress enough how important it is to monitor our own thoughts and feelings about ourselves. No matter how small they are.
Let’s imagine that every shame-filled thought/feeling was a rock thrown at us overtime. What type of rock collection and condition would you be in? Would you even be able to address it?
That is why it is essential to be mindful of what you choose to belief about yourself and who we give power to identify us.
How can we protect ourselves from internalized shame?
Talk about it with a safe person
Stay connected with people who care about you
Accept the compliments you receive
Become aware of what you feel and your thoughts
Establishing and practicing boundaries
Trust that the stressful situation doesn’t define who you are
Have faith in God’s identity for you
Journal your feelings and share that with God
Understand that how you feel in the moment will pass
Take deep breathes
Identify the things you like about yourself and how you show up in the world
Talk with a therapist
Pray and rest
Self hatred and the issues with identity is a human experience issue; which includes suicide. So having these negative feelings and thoughts towards yourself does not make you weak or insane.
It makes you human.
Please know that if you are struggling today, reach out for help by calling the national suicide hotline (24/7): 800-273-8255
